salaryman’s blog

The Daily Mail is Brigadoon for crypto-fascists, a place where the local time is always 1950. But there must be anxious scenes in the bunker this weekend as it dawns on them that the UK is no longer populated by racist homophobic bigot like themselves.

Jan Moir’s hate spewing rant against Stephen Gately has been rightfully pilloried across the internet. The Press Complaints Commission have had record complaints and companies have asked for their ads to be withdrawn from the web page. This Facebook page lists their contact details, if you want to point out to companies that you’re not prepared to buy their products if they continue to fund bigotry.

The Daily Mail is increasing looking like the embarrassing elderly relative at a family function.

Damian Hirst’s paintings are not just bad, they are deliciously bad. These hesitant little daubs are a towering edifice of talentless tat. They’re canvasses only a mother could love. This is the Emperor shouting his nakedness to any who would listen.

The characteristically grandiose title ‘No Love Lost, Blue Paintings’ (Hirst modestly slipping himself between Picasso and Bacon) could be replaced with a simpler and more apposite ‘Why?’. Anyone who still thinks Hirst has talent (beyond self promotion) will view these and reconsider his entire output.

If you’re peddling the ‘Obama was born in Kenya’ line for political gain; what the hell, it’s a dirty play, but politics is a dirty business. Personally I do feel embarrassed for you though. Seriously is that all you’ve got? Is that your 2012 strategy? It’s not even a Big Lie, it’s a piss-ant little fib. It makes the Swift Boaters look like Cicero.

However, if you’re one of the Limburgistan jihadists who actually believe it to be true OMG! Republicans are laughing at you. Ann Coulter has disavowed you. Seriously if Ann “she wolf of the SS” Coulter doesn’t want a piece of it, how far from the pack have you strayed??

"I made up insults son"

Currently putting the moron in oxymoron is  the phrase ‘Liberal Fascist’ . I know it’s the anniversary of 1984 but this doublespeak/foxspeak is just embarrassing. While the Left is calling the plays, the Right is just calling names. Using a term like ‘liberal fascist’ is the equivalent of putting on an I’m With Stupid t-shirt.

The local time is 1950.

For those of you  who have not visited us before, here’s some pointers to get you started:

A pro gun, pro death penalty AND pro life philosophy is not at all inconsistent

We hate Saddam, always have done

We hate the Taliban, always have done

Our enemies have always been our enemies, our friends have always been our friends

They hate us because of our freedoms not because of our cluster bombs

‘Maverick’ is a term of endearment, ‘Liberal’ is an insult

Kerry – draft dodger, Dubya – war hero

Mullah Omar was NOT an extra on Rambo 3

Kiefer Sutherland is a Democrat

For further information, please tune in to the state news agency

How to find us: just pass Bizzaro World and keep heading right

Frame by frame analysis of the L'Aquila film clearly shows that Obama did not act alone. CalTech scientist have used NASA technology to map the precise trajectory of President Obama’s eyeballs, and identify the smoking ass.

He truly is our Kennedy

So I’m going to a writers’ group. I turn up early ‘cause I’m Billy; I go to the room and there’s this guy there, looking like an escaped mental patient with a ½ scale replica of the cross lashed round his neck. And I know I should have said “is this goat fuckers anonymous?” but I didn’t, I said “is the [writers’ group]” and he said “yes it is, I’m Colin”. Twelve others join the room, four Colins, it’s a Colin rich environment.......

It is 2 hours of aural torture. I was ready to ‘fess to 9/11, 7/7 anything; just don’t read me another poem! I’ve always subscribed to the view that the only good poet is a dead poet, and this lot were doing nothing to dissuade me. There’s a guy, he’s about my age, in a backwards baseball cap, riffing like Reverend and the Makers done acapella. But y’know, with a message. And he’s stuttering his sentences with air quotes. Air quotes for words like ‘soup’ and ‘pencil’. And I’m thinking ‘dickhead’. Another who's channeling Jesus through their lumpen prose.

They are quite the most barking bunch of half-wits. And in the midst of this shit tsunami is [insert name of bestselling novelist here] – and I’m thinking is this some form of community service, was there some drink driving case we haven’t heard about, ‘cause there’s no early reason why you’d be within a hundred miles of here???????

Polly Toynbee continues her tireless shilling for New Labour – surely that Damehood can’t be far off now. Even complicity in torture is not enough end her infatuation.

12-18 months from now UK voters are going to have a depressing choice between the Stasi Party and the Nasty Party. But at least when Cameron’s Tory toffs win we’ll have the enemy in front of us, not behind us.

When the call centre asks you to take some phone monkeys out on the town, ‘cause they’ve won a prize for selling the most this month – do take a look at the phone monkeys in question first, before you email to say you couldn’t possibly spare the time.

That way, you might find yourself enjoying an evening in the company of the scrumptious (and just a little slutty) Miss Chevious, Miss Behavin and Miss Guided.

Rather than sitting at home blogging……..

I’m sure he doesn’t mean to, but kill babies he does.

U2 are currently whoring their bollock shrivelingly turgid new album round the media. You can bet not a one of them will ask a question about tax planning.

Bono and U2 have been involved in a long standing tax avoidance scheme to ensure that little of their huge fortune ends up in the Government coffers. After Ireland had the temerity to rule that artists should pay 12.5% corporation tax on annual earning over 250,000, U2 shifted their operation to the Netherlands. They now pay a tiny percentage of tax, in comparison to their poor misguided fans.

Tax avoidance, as everyone knows, kills babies. Denying revenue to the Exchequer means hospitals, nurses, doctors and incubators are under funded. It also reduces the amount of money governments can give in foreign aid. Bestriding the world, sanctimoniously preaching debt relief to all who will give him airtime, a lesser man might stumble under the sheer weight of hypocrisy – not Bono.